Becoming Who You Are

Psalm 139

O Lord,

You have searched me and known me. 2 You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. 3 You [a]comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. 4 For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. 5 You have [b]hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in [c]hell, behold, You are there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall [d]fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me; 12 Indeed, the darkness [e]shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts; You [f]covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for [g]I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. 15 My [h]frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! 18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.

In the photo above, I am brand new to this world. I am in my daddy's arms, I feel safe and loved. I do not yet know the world I am born into. I have not yet experienced the pain of rejection; the suffering that leads me to disconnect from myself. If you were to ask me how I imagined God to look when I was a child of about 6 years of age, I would've said "like a bright light, God looks like the sun." I still resonate with this belief and now as a 30 year old woman, I read John chapter 1(CBS version) and it says "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. All things were created through him, and apart from him not one thing was created that has been created. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. That light shines in the darkness, and yet the darkness has not overcome it.... The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world."

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In the photo above, I celebrated Bealtaine, a holiday from my Irish heritage, for the first time this May. I had just heard about it on the Heartspeak podcast and Great Mother calling facebook group during the time of our local stay at home order due to the pandemic with the Rona. And it filled my heart with joy to celebrate a holiday from my heritage, that I've been cut off from, by lighting a candle to symbolize my inner light illuminating the world with compassion and respect for every human being and living creature.

Bealtaine is a celebration of healing and regeneration. Doing this felt powerful and subversive. I celebrated who I am becoming! I am returning to myself and this returning this coming home is healing and a journey towards wholeness. As I continue to pursue oneness with the Divine, I find myself in possession of the courage to listen to personal stories of injustice and suffering. I find myself not only taking the time to listen but also feeling deep empathy and compassion that leads to action. For now those actions look like making cards for the local nursing home residents because due to the Rona they can't have visitors. I felt compassion for them being all alone during this time. I have started a facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/2677830909205762 called Heart Hugs calling others to join us in making cards for the elderly and disabled. I am motivated by this compassion because its the same compassion I feel when I read stories of Jesus healing others in the gospels. Currently action looks like listening to my African American friends, neighbors, coworkers, and church members as well as taking the time to educate myself about the truth of systemic racism in America. Action looks like reading books , prayer and meditation, practicing embodiment through yoga and dance, and comforting myself as much as I need it. Todays action and tomorrows action will be different but this is what I believe a life of faith living through action looks like. (Because faith without works is dead.) I believe that as Christians we have spent so much time worrying about people's eternity that we do not worry or take enough action to help people now. We are called to bring heaven to earth today; to work toward ending the suffering we see today so that tomorrow our neighbors know they're loved unconditionally by a good God.

I am becoming who I truly am. I no longer expect myself to be perfect. I have accepted myself fully as I am and in doing so, I am empowered to accept others the same way. I believe this is what love is. Love is what the world needs and this begins by loving and healing ourselves with the love of Jesus; the love of the Divine that hovered over the waters in the very beginning. As I swim in the abundant grace of God throughout my days, I am empowered to accomplish even more than before (when I strived to be accepted by sacrificing my needs for others). I encourage you to jump into the ocean of God's abundant grace that you might experience this love that exists only in freedom.

You are worthy, you are loved, you are enough. So shine bright and let your light illuminate your home, neighborhood, city, state, country, and our shared sacred world.